Modern Mom Life

My son was born on November 5th, 2018 and he has never used a pacifier. I always forget that pacifiers even exist, let alone are the norm for babies. Until he was a month old, I had never thought about giving him a pacifier, and the only reason I thought about it was because a family member asked me when I was going to give him one.
During my pregnancy, I planned on breastfeeding my son and decided to wait until he was a month old before I gave him a bottle or pacifier so that he wouldn't get nipple confusion and not want to latch anymore. Once he was born and started nursing, I knew that when the time came, he would have no problems with using a bottle or pacifier and then switching back to my nipple. He was almost 4 weeks when we gave him his first bottle, and once be figured out he was getting milk from it, he was fine; but he had no issues with switching between bottle and breast.

During the first month, we learned all of his cries and what they were for. Every time he cried, it was because he had a dirty diaper, was hungry, wanted to be held, or simply wanted attention. He never really cried for any other reason, and I always nursed him if he wouldn't calm down. Because he's been such a happy baby, I never thought about a pacifier.

The first time I realized that we had never given him one was when a family member asked when we planned on giving him one since he did so well with his bottle. At that moment I decided that we wouldn't be giving him one. Why try and get him used to using a pacifier when he hasn't had one for over a month?

Time has went on, and even when my son gets fussy, I've never thought about getting the pacifiers out. It's just not something I feel is necessary for him. If he gets so fussy that nothing seems to help him, I'll nurse him, even though I know he just ate, and he calms right down. I nursed him during the first month as a comforting thing for him since I didn't think he was ready for a pacifier, but now we don't have any issues with that. Most of the time now when he's fussy and nothing fixes it, he's just fighting sleep, so I'll nurse him to sleep. And this isn't an everyday thing; it'll happen maybe once every two or three days.

Of course, I've heard from family that I need to give him a pacifier because he doesn't need to rely on me nursing him. The thing is, he doesn't rely on nursing for comfort anymore; he only did that during the first few weeks, and he hardly ever cries now. I got very lucky that my son isn't a crier, so I never saw the point of giving him a pacifier.

Another thing I get told is that babies want to have things in their mouths all the time. This is true, especially once they get older and teething starts. They tell me that if he wants something in his mouth, he's just going to get stuck sucking his thumb and he won't give it up like he would a pacifier; it's harder to take their thumb than their pacifier. This could definitely happen, but we'll still break him from his thumb just like we would a pacifier.

I never thought during my pregnancy or even during the first month that I wouldn't want to give him a pacifier, but as time goes on, I know he doesn't need one. On the rare occasions that he dies cry and not just make fussy sounds, my thoughts never go to the pacifier, I'm trying to figure out why he's so upset if I don't already know; and if he's still upset after I bounce or rock him, I can nurse him and then he's fine. Even though I've had some people ask me about it when he does seem to be getting fussy, I tell them there's a reason he's fussy, and once it's fixed, he's fine.

Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with using a pacifier, as long as it's not being used for too long. It's recommended that babies stop using a pacifier once they're 2 years old or younger. Some doctors recommend using pacifiers in babies under 6 months to reduce the risk if SIDS, but after this period, to lessen the use of the pacifier so it's for soothing and not a formed habit.

Soothing your baby is one of the important things to do as a parent, and pacifiers are extremely helpful. If my son needed to be soothed more often and I wasn't able to nurse him, I would definitely consider a pacifier, but, as of right now, my son doesn't need one, so I don't give him one.

Being a stay-at-home mom is something that is considered nearly impossible today. It's one of those topics that can cause lots of stress and tension. If a woman decides to be a stay-at-home mom while her partner works, people say she's putting too much on her partner. If a woman decides to go back to work, people say she's not putting her children first. The thing is, that decision is completely up to the mother and her partner and nothing else matters.
Making the decision to stay at home with your child or children is definitely a hard one. Even if you decide to just stay home for the first year or so, it can be difficult. There's a lot of factors that go into deciding to stay at home.
The biggest one that can make or break the decision is finances. Going from a duel-income home to a single-income home is extremely challenging. You have to look at all of the bills and expenses beforehand, adding the new ones for the baby, then figuring out what to cut back on. It can be possible to cut back and rearrange some expenses so that one income will cover everything, but sometimes it's simply not possible. It's hard to worry about finances and getting bills paid when you're not working. It can make you feel bad for putting so much pressure on your significant other and not helping out.
Me and my husband always kept our incomes separate and split the bills, but we obviously can't do that now that he's the only one making money. He got a new, and better, job to help support our new family as well. It made me feel guilty because he was having to leave his old job, which he enjoyed, to find something new to make more money for us. I also felt guilty that I'm at home, not helping with paying for anything, while he works all day. After talking about it, we both feel a lot better about our situation because he wants me to stay home with our son.
Staying at home also implies that you'll be taking care of the household chores too. In theory, it seems reasonable and possible, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. The majority of your time will be spent loving on that baby, and it's more satisfying to hold your baby than to fold laundry anyways. Don't feel too pressured to get everything done in a day. Laundry can sit on the basket for a day, or more, before being folded. The dishes can wait one more day. Of course, don't let this mindset get out of hand to the point of having piles of things to do everywhere. And your significant other can still help out when they're home; it's not all on you now that you're home all the time.

Staying at home all the time can become very stressful and depressing. You can feel trapped within your own home. All the chores will start getting backed up and it will feel impossible to get anything done, especially while also taking care of your baby. Sometimes babies don't want to nap or be away from you, so it's almost impossible to even eat let alone clean the house. But, over time, you get acclimated to doing everything one-handed or wearing your baby to get more done.
Something I found that makes it easier to clean is to sit my son in his bouncy seat and move it into the room that I'm in if he doesn't have anywhere to lay. I fold laundry on our bed, so he lays next to me. When I'm in the kitchen cooking or washing dishes, he's in his bouncy seat. I try to shower while he's asleep in his crib, so I can see him on the monitor, or I'll have him in his bouncy seat right outside the bathroom (I leave the door open).
Staying at home is also very rewarding. You don't have to pay an arm and a leg for daycare. So many people that I know that went back to work after having their child and send them to daycare say that them working isn't even really worth it because almost all of their paychecks go towards the daycare. Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, depending on your career. There's also the issue of not being able to trust everyone with your child, even family in some cases. There are so many horror stories from children being neglected or abused by daycare workers, and it's almost impossible to think that this could happen to your baby.
You don't have to miss anything; any firsts for your baby, you get to be there for. The first time they sit up by themselves, the first word, the first time they crawl, the first step, can all be missed if you're away from home. Of course, this doesn't make you a bad parent if you don't get to see it, it's just one of the pluses to staying at home. You don't have to miss any smiles or giggles and get to enjoy every second with your baby.
Even though staying at home seems so amazing, it is still very stressful. If you decided to stay at home, remember to still take time for yourself. Don't feel guilty for asking for help around the house; you're job doesn't end at home, so it's important to make sure to take care of yourself. It's also important to stay social; being at home with the baby can make you antisocial, so invite some friends and family over or go out for the day. Don't make yourself feel like you're stuck at home. Although it can be tiring to have to work your schedule around your baby all day long, it doesn't seem like such a burden because being with your baby and seeing those gummy smiles makes it all better.