Modern Mom Life

After giving birth, it's very common for the new mom to have a surge of all kinds of emotions. Being able to hold your baby and look at them after waiting all those months is so amazing and can make anyone happy, but there's also a lot of stress that comes with getting used to having the new baby too. You're exhausted, stressing over every little thing when it comes to your newborn, and worrying that you may not be doing the best you can. The first couple of weeks after having your baby are the most tiring and stressful, so it's extremely common to experience the baby blues. However, the baby blues are different from postpartum depression, so it's very important to take care of yourself and talk to someone if you're worried that you may be depressed.

After delivering your baby, your body is going through tons of changes, getting back to normal after carrying the baby around. All the hormonal changes can cause an emotional imbalance, and so can all of the sleep deprivation. On top of the hormones, all the worry and stress, and even some negative thoughts about your new appearance and motherly instincts, can cause random bursts of sadness and crying.

Bringing the baby home initially, you can feel like you won't be able to take care of your baby properly on your own. You can find yourself crying in the middle of the night during a feeding because you haven't gotten much, if any, sleep. You can't get the baby to stop crying or fussing, and you find yourself in tears as well. Feeling like you're just not doing good enough can pop up out of nowhere.

It's very common for some or all of these things to happen after having your baby. You find yourself sobbing while cuddling your newborn. The most important thing that you need to remember if you're having some negative feelings is that in situations when you're getting upset or frustrated, if you have to, lay the baby down and step out of the room for a few minutes to calm down. It's hard to ignore your baby's cries, especially if you're emotional about it yourself, but if you're crying and getting upset while holding your baby, it's best to lay them down so that nothing happens while you're holding them.
If your significant other or someone you live with is able to help, then do not hesitate to ask for help in moments like this. There were a few times in the first couple of weeks when I would be up in the middle of the night with my son and couldn't get him to calm down enough to latch onto my nipple to nurse, and it would make me cry, so I would ask my husband to wake up and help me. He would help me with latching and then he would reassure me and help me to feel better about myself. I hope that every new mom has some kind of support system, especially in times like these.
In short, the baby blues are simply bad moments or days in which you feel generally sad and upset. Baby blues usually occurs within the first few weeks or months postpartum, but can still occur throughout the following months as well, jut not as often. If you find that you are feeling upset and sad for more than a couple of days and going through your day gets harder and harder, do not hesitate to talk to your doctor; postpartum depression is very serious and potentially dangerous for you and your baby. Remember that it gets easier and that you'll get through the hard times very soon; you are still a great mother, even when your baby is crying and won't sleep. You'll look back on those hard times and feel good about yourself because you were able to push through them for your baby, and that is an amazing feeling.

It's definitely a good idea to make a birth plan, even if it's not something you explicitly wrote down on paper. You need to have a general idea of how you want your labor and delivery process to go so that there will be some expectations and the nurses and doctor know what you want. If you seriously sit down and write down everything you want, there are several things that you will come up with. But there are just a few major things you'll want to tell the nurses and doctor while you're being emitted for delivery.
If you don't already have a planned C-section and no emergencies arise during the beginning of labor, you will have the option of vaginal delivery or C-section. However, unless you are dead set on having a C-section or something comes up during labor or delivery, the doctor will recommend having a vaginal delivery. The choice is still available. You can also choose to have a water-birth as well since a lot of hospitals are now integrating delivery rooms with tubs.

You'll need to decide who will want to be in the room with you during your delivery. Hospitals have specifications for how many people you may have in the room with you, and the specifications differ if you are having a C-section. The hospital I went to allowed three people in the delivery room with me, and only one person if I had to have an emergency C-section. I had my husband, my mom, and my mother-in-law in the room with me. Of course, who you have in the room with you is completely up to you; you're the one that's all exposed on the bed after all.
During labor, you have the option to get pain medication to help with the pain of contractions. Lots of women know that they will get the epidural way before they go into labor, others say that they will try going without medication, and some are determined to not get any medication at all. It's hard to tell what the labor pain will be like, even if you've given birth before, because every pregnancy is different. The most common pain medication for labor is obviously the epidural, but there are several other options so ask your doctor for other medications that they offer.

If you decide to breastfeed, make sure the nurses know so that they can help you with latching the baby onto your breast and not to give the baby a bottle of formula or a pacifier. In many cases, a baby can get nipple confusion if given a pacifier or a bottle and won't latch onto the breast. You can also get a lactation consultant to help you out and answer any questions you may have.
These are some of the main things that will need to be decided before going into labor. There are, of course, many things that can be considered; for example, who will cut the umbilical cord, if you do skin-to-skin right after the baby is delivered, and some hospitals even offer to let you watch the baby be born via mirror. It's a good idea to write these things down and take it with you when you go to the hospital to make things easier, but you need to at least have these decisions made, even if you don't write them down.

Being a stay-at-home mom can be one of the most stressful things a mom can do; it's a 24/7 job with the most responsibility you'll face in a lifetime. On top of taking care of your child or children all day, there's the added stress of cleaning the house, making meals, and feeling stuck at home.
Being at home with your baby or babies can make you so happy. You'll get to see every little thing, and that in itself is rewarding. But every now and then, you can feel overwhelmed. Trying to do laundry or wash dishes becomes an even harder task to get done now that there is someone that can interrupt. As a new mom, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "nap while he naps"; and then I heard the other new moms tell me that it isn't like that at all. There's so many things to get done around the house and to take care of myself that simply can't get done while my son naps. Plus I just want to sit on the couch and hold him.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming because dirty dishes are piling up, the kitchen is a mess, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in months, there's piles of dirty laundry and clean laundry that has been neglected to be put up, and everything else has been getting behind as well. Trying to worry about taking care of your baby and tackling all of the housework can be so stressful. Just looking at the mess can bring on a sense of dread and anxiety. It gets maddening sometimes when you feel like even if you start to take care of the household chores, you won't be able to finish them because your baby will need you. Plus, it's so much easier to spend time with your baby rather than clean. Being depressed can cause things like household cleaning to be neglected, which in turn can make the depression worse.
There are several times when I realize that I forgot to eat a meal or haven't showered in a couple days because I'm so invested in taking care of the baby that I simply don't think about my own needs. Thinking about yourself isn't something that comes naturally anymore because the baby comes first. You may catch a quick glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize you haven't even brushed your hair in several days, let alone actually took time for yourself. Or even if you do make sure you shower and eat all of your meals, you feel different about yourself because all of the care and attention goes to the baby. Plus, your body is completely different, so you may feel bad about the way you look now. You no longer take pride in your clothes, hair, or makeup; you just throw on some comfy clothes and that's it. Being insecure and having low self-esteem becomes normal.
When taking care of the baby and trying to keep up with the household chores is all you do every day, you hardly ever leave the house. It takes some time to get ready and get a baby ready to leave the house, so making plans becomes difficult. Even if you have plans, there's a chance they will fall through because the baby could just be having a fussy day; having a fussy baby out with you isn't something you necessarily want. And there's a good chance that most of everyone you know works, so you're still at home by yourself all day while they're all working.
The guilt from not working will also add to the negative thoughts. Seeing your partner work every day to make enough money to take care of you and your baby is something that can make you feel like you're not providing enough. If there's any financial troubles, you feel like it's your fault because you're not working. You feel guilty for having your partner support you while you sit at home all day. You worry about the bills but can't contribute to paying them. You just feel guilty for putting all of that pressure on your partner.
The hardest part of being a mom, even if you don't stay at home, is the doubt. There's days when you think that you're not being a good mom or not doing enough for you baby. And to translates to your relationships too; you're not being a good wife or girlfriend, not being a good friend. Being trapped in your home with a screaming baby to take care of by yourself will make you feel like you're not good enough. Being at home all day surrounded by a mess will make you feel like you're not doing enough.You begin to question how good of a mother you are, how good of a partner you are, how good of a friend you are, and you start to believe those negative thoughts.
It's so easy to feel like you're stuck in this space. Being at home all day with a baby to take care of and a house to clean will drive you crazy over time if you let it. It's so hard to get out of that funk, but you have to try. Planning days out of the house and not backing out of those plans is important. Have someone take care of the baby while you take some time for yourself. Make sure you take time with your partner. Having a baby can put a lot of stress on a relationship or marriage, especially in the beginning, so make sure you take time to be a couple. Don't feel guilty when asking for help; your job as a stay-at-home mom never ends and is way more stressful, so have your partner or family member watch the baby so you can take a shower. Make sure you let people know that the job of being a stay-at-home mom wasn't as simple as it seems, and you need more help than they think you do.
Make sure that if you have these negative thoughts and feelings a lot, that you tell someone. You don't need to silently suffer, especially when you're responsible for a baby. Even if you feel like you can't talk to your partner or family members, there are tons of mom groups online, and maybe even some local mom groups you can find, that will allow you to talk through your negative feelings and make plans to get out of the house. There are going to be bad days as a mom, but all of the little moments you get to see and enjoy as a stay-at-home mom make it all worth it. 

My son was born on November 5th, 2018 and he has never used a pacifier. I always forget that pacifiers even exist, let alone are the norm for babies. Until he was a month old, I had never thought about giving him a pacifier, and the only reason I thought about it was because a family member asked me when I was going to give him one.
During my pregnancy, I planned on breastfeeding my son and decided to wait until he was a month old before I gave him a bottle or pacifier so that he wouldn't get nipple confusion and not want to latch anymore. Once he was born and started nursing, I knew that when the time came, he would have no problems with using a bottle or pacifier and then switching back to my nipple. He was almost 4 weeks when we gave him his first bottle, and once be figured out he was getting milk from it, he was fine; but he had no issues with switching between bottle and breast.

During the first month, we learned all of his cries and what they were for. Every time he cried, it was because he had a dirty diaper, was hungry, wanted to be held, or simply wanted attention. He never really cried for any other reason, and I always nursed him if he wouldn't calm down. Because he's been such a happy baby, I never thought about a pacifier.

The first time I realized that we had never given him one was when a family member asked when we planned on giving him one since he did so well with his bottle. At that moment I decided that we wouldn't be giving him one. Why try and get him used to using a pacifier when he hasn't had one for over a month?

Time has went on, and even when my son gets fussy, I've never thought about getting the pacifiers out. It's just not something I feel is necessary for him. If he gets so fussy that nothing seems to help him, I'll nurse him, even though I know he just ate, and he calms right down. I nursed him during the first month as a comforting thing for him since I didn't think he was ready for a pacifier, but now we don't have any issues with that. Most of the time now when he's fussy and nothing fixes it, he's just fighting sleep, so I'll nurse him to sleep. And this isn't an everyday thing; it'll happen maybe once every two or three days.

Of course, I've heard from family that I need to give him a pacifier because he doesn't need to rely on me nursing him. The thing is, he doesn't rely on nursing for comfort anymore; he only did that during the first few weeks, and he hardly ever cries now. I got very lucky that my son isn't a crier, so I never saw the point of giving him a pacifier.

Another thing I get told is that babies want to have things in their mouths all the time. This is true, especially once they get older and teething starts. They tell me that if he wants something in his mouth, he's just going to get stuck sucking his thumb and he won't give it up like he would a pacifier; it's harder to take their thumb than their pacifier. This could definitely happen, but we'll still break him from his thumb just like we would a pacifier.

I never thought during my pregnancy or even during the first month that I wouldn't want to give him a pacifier, but as time goes on, I know he doesn't need one. On the rare occasions that he dies cry and not just make fussy sounds, my thoughts never go to the pacifier, I'm trying to figure out why he's so upset if I don't already know; and if he's still upset after I bounce or rock him, I can nurse him and then he's fine. Even though I've had some people ask me about it when he does seem to be getting fussy, I tell them there's a reason he's fussy, and once it's fixed, he's fine.

Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with using a pacifier, as long as it's not being used for too long. It's recommended that babies stop using a pacifier once they're 2 years old or younger. Some doctors recommend using pacifiers in babies under 6 months to reduce the risk if SIDS, but after this period, to lessen the use of the pacifier so it's for soothing and not a formed habit.

Soothing your baby is one of the important things to do as a parent, and pacifiers are extremely helpful. If my son needed to be soothed more often and I wasn't able to nurse him, I would definitely consider a pacifier, but, as of right now, my son doesn't need one, so I don't give him one.

Being a stay-at-home mom is something that is considered nearly impossible today. It's one of those topics that can cause lots of stress and tension. If a woman decides to be a stay-at-home mom while her partner works, people say she's putting too much on her partner. If a woman decides to go back to work, people say she's not putting her children first. The thing is, that decision is completely up to the mother and her partner and nothing else matters.
Making the decision to stay at home with your child or children is definitely a hard one. Even if you decide to just stay home for the first year or so, it can be difficult. There's a lot of factors that go into deciding to stay at home.
The biggest one that can make or break the decision is finances. Going from a duel-income home to a single-income home is extremely challenging. You have to look at all of the bills and expenses beforehand, adding the new ones for the baby, then figuring out what to cut back on. It can be possible to cut back and rearrange some expenses so that one income will cover everything, but sometimes it's simply not possible. It's hard to worry about finances and getting bills paid when you're not working. It can make you feel bad for putting so much pressure on your significant other and not helping out.
Me and my husband always kept our incomes separate and split the bills, but we obviously can't do that now that he's the only one making money. He got a new, and better, job to help support our new family as well. It made me feel guilty because he was having to leave his old job, which he enjoyed, to find something new to make more money for us. I also felt guilty that I'm at home, not helping with paying for anything, while he works all day. After talking about it, we both feel a lot better about our situation because he wants me to stay home with our son.
Staying at home also implies that you'll be taking care of the household chores too. In theory, it seems reasonable and possible, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. The majority of your time will be spent loving on that baby, and it's more satisfying to hold your baby than to fold laundry anyways. Don't feel too pressured to get everything done in a day. Laundry can sit on the basket for a day, or more, before being folded. The dishes can wait one more day. Of course, don't let this mindset get out of hand to the point of having piles of things to do everywhere. And your significant other can still help out when they're home; it's not all on you now that you're home all the time.

Staying at home all the time can become very stressful and depressing. You can feel trapped within your own home. All the chores will start getting backed up and it will feel impossible to get anything done, especially while also taking care of your baby. Sometimes babies don't want to nap or be away from you, so it's almost impossible to even eat let alone clean the house. But, over time, you get acclimated to doing everything one-handed or wearing your baby to get more done.
Something I found that makes it easier to clean is to sit my son in his bouncy seat and move it into the room that I'm in if he doesn't have anywhere to lay. I fold laundry on our bed, so he lays next to me. When I'm in the kitchen cooking or washing dishes, he's in his bouncy seat. I try to shower while he's asleep in his crib, so I can see him on the monitor, or I'll have him in his bouncy seat right outside the bathroom (I leave the door open).
Staying at home is also very rewarding. You don't have to pay an arm and a leg for daycare. So many people that I know that went back to work after having their child and send them to daycare say that them working isn't even really worth it because almost all of their paychecks go towards the daycare. Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, depending on your career. There's also the issue of not being able to trust everyone with your child, even family in some cases. There are so many horror stories from children being neglected or abused by daycare workers, and it's almost impossible to think that this could happen to your baby.
You don't have to miss anything; any firsts for your baby, you get to be there for. The first time they sit up by themselves, the first word, the first time they crawl, the first step, can all be missed if you're away from home. Of course, this doesn't make you a bad parent if you don't get to see it, it's just one of the pluses to staying at home. You don't have to miss any smiles or giggles and get to enjoy every second with your baby.
Even though staying at home seems so amazing, it is still very stressful. If you decided to stay at home, remember to still take time for yourself. Don't feel guilty for asking for help around the house; you're job doesn't end at home, so it's important to make sure to take care of yourself. It's also important to stay social; being at home with the baby can make you antisocial, so invite some friends and family over or go out for the day. Don't make yourself feel like you're stuck at home. Although it can be tiring to have to work your schedule around your baby all day long, it doesn't seem like such a burden because being with your baby and seeing those gummy smiles makes it all better. 

There are a lot of things for you and the rest of your family that you'll want to stock up on as well. It's pretty easy to get all of those baby things together and ready, but it'll take a little bit of shopping to get the rest of the family's things stocked up. Right after you have the baby, you don't want to have to go to the store, so go ahead and get prepared.

• Food. You'll want to have some easy meals to make once you get home. Of course, family and friends customarily bring food over for the new little family, but it's still a good idea to have some frozen or simple meals ready to make so you won't have to worry about cooking dinner.
• Paper plates & plastic silverware. Who would want to have to worry about dirty dishes when you have to get used to worrying about dirty diapers? Get some paper plates, and even some bowls, and some plastic forks and spoons so there's not a sink or dishwasher full of dishes.
• Paper goods. Go ahead and buy an extra pack of toilet paper and paper towels. Why not go ahead and stock up on those items so you won't have to make a quick run to the store if you get down to the last roll?
• Toiletries. Shampoo, conditioner, soaps, deodorant, toothpaste, etc. is something you don't want to run out of once you get home either. Go ahead and stock up for the whole family so that everyone can shower in peace.
• Cleaning supplies. You may want to get a few more natural cleaning products in your arsenal so you won't have to worry about any messes or harsh chemicals being around your baby.

Although there are several things you can skip when it comes to stockpiling your home, there are some things that shouldn't be skipped. In the end, gathering all of these items up before the baby is born can make life after the baby is brought home easier for Mommy and family.