Stay-at-Home Mom Depression
Being at home with your baby or babies can make you so happy. You'll get to see every little thing, and that in itself is rewarding. But every now and then, you can feel overwhelmed. Trying to do laundry or wash dishes becomes an even harder task to get done now that there is someone that can interrupt. As a new mom, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "nap while he naps"; and then I heard the other new moms tell me that it isn't like that at all. There's so many things to get done around the house and to take care of myself that simply can't get done while my son naps. Plus I just want to sit on the couch and hold him.
Sometimes it gets overwhelming because dirty dishes are piling up, the kitchen is a mess, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in months, there's piles of dirty laundry and clean laundry that has been neglected to be put up, and everything else has been getting behind as well. Trying to worry about taking care of your baby and tackling all of the housework can be so stressful. Just looking at the mess can bring on a sense of dread and anxiety. It gets maddening sometimes when you feel like even if you start to take care of the household chores, you won't be able to finish them because your baby will need you. Plus, it's so much easier to spend time with your baby rather than clean. Being depressed can cause things like household cleaning to be neglected, which in turn can make the depression worse.
There are several times when I realize that I forgot to eat a meal or haven't showered in a couple days because I'm so invested in taking care of the baby that I simply don't think about my own needs. Thinking about yourself isn't something that comes naturally anymore because the baby comes first. You may catch a quick glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize you haven't even brushed your hair in several days, let alone actually took time for yourself. Or even if you do make sure you shower and eat all of your meals, you feel different about yourself because all of the care and attention goes to the baby. Plus, your body is completely different, so you may feel bad about the way you look now. You no longer take pride in your clothes, hair, or makeup; you just throw on some comfy clothes and that's it. Being insecure and having low self-esteem becomes normal.
When taking care of the baby and trying to keep up with the household chores is all you do every day, you hardly ever leave the house. It takes some time to get ready and get a baby ready to leave the house, so making plans becomes difficult. Even if you have plans, there's a chance they will fall through because the baby could just be having a fussy day; having a fussy baby out with you isn't something you necessarily want. And there's a good chance that most of everyone you know works, so you're still at home by yourself all day while they're all working.
The guilt from not working will also add to the negative thoughts. Seeing your partner work every day to make enough money to take care of you and your baby is something that can make you feel like you're not providing enough. If there's any financial troubles, you feel like it's your fault because you're not working. You feel guilty for having your partner support you while you sit at home all day. You worry about the bills but can't contribute to paying them. You just feel guilty for putting all of that pressure on your partner.
The hardest part of being a mom, even if you don't stay at home, is the doubt. There's days when you think that you're not being a good mom or not doing enough for you baby. And to translates to your relationships too; you're not being a good wife or girlfriend, not being a good friend. Being trapped in your home with a screaming baby to take care of by yourself will make you feel like you're not good enough. Being at home all day surrounded by a mess will make you feel like you're not doing enough.You begin to question how good of a mother you are, how good of a partner you are, how good of a friend you are, and you start to believe those negative thoughts.
It's so easy to feel like you're stuck in this space. Being at home all day with a baby to take care of and a house to clean will drive you crazy over time if you let it. It's so hard to get out of that funk, but you have to try. Planning days out of the house and not backing out of those plans is important. Have someone take care of the baby while you take some time for yourself. Make sure you take time with your partner. Having a baby can put a lot of stress on a relationship or marriage, especially in the beginning, so make sure you take time to be a couple. Don't feel guilty when asking for help; your job as a stay-at-home mom never ends and is way more stressful, so have your partner or family member watch the baby so you can take a shower. Make sure you let people know that the job of being a stay-at-home mom wasn't as simple as it seems, and you need more help than they think you do.
Make sure that if you have these negative thoughts and feelings a lot, that you tell someone. You don't need to silently suffer, especially when you're responsible for a baby. Even if you feel like you can't talk to your partner or family members, there are tons of mom groups online, and maybe even some local mom groups you can find, that will allow you to talk through your negative feelings and make plans to get out of the house. There are going to be bad days as a mom, but all of the little moments you get to see and enjoy as a stay-at-home mom make it all worth it.
There are several times when I realize that I forgot to eat a meal or haven't showered in a couple days because I'm so invested in taking care of the baby that I simply don't think about my own needs. Thinking about yourself isn't something that comes naturally anymore because the baby comes first. You may catch a quick glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize you haven't even brushed your hair in several days, let alone actually took time for yourself. Or even if you do make sure you shower and eat all of your meals, you feel different about yourself because all of the care and attention goes to the baby. Plus, your body is completely different, so you may feel bad about the way you look now. You no longer take pride in your clothes, hair, or makeup; you just throw on some comfy clothes and that's it. Being insecure and having low self-esteem becomes normal.
When taking care of the baby and trying to keep up with the household chores is all you do every day, you hardly ever leave the house. It takes some time to get ready and get a baby ready to leave the house, so making plans becomes difficult. Even if you have plans, there's a chance they will fall through because the baby could just be having a fussy day; having a fussy baby out with you isn't something you necessarily want. And there's a good chance that most of everyone you know works, so you're still at home by yourself all day while they're all working.
The guilt from not working will also add to the negative thoughts. Seeing your partner work every day to make enough money to take care of you and your baby is something that can make you feel like you're not providing enough. If there's any financial troubles, you feel like it's your fault because you're not working. You feel guilty for having your partner support you while you sit at home all day. You worry about the bills but can't contribute to paying them. You just feel guilty for putting all of that pressure on your partner.
The hardest part of being a mom, even if you don't stay at home, is the doubt. There's days when you think that you're not being a good mom or not doing enough for you baby. And to translates to your relationships too; you're not being a good wife or girlfriend, not being a good friend. Being trapped in your home with a screaming baby to take care of by yourself will make you feel like you're not good enough. Being at home all day surrounded by a mess will make you feel like you're not doing enough.You begin to question how good of a mother you are, how good of a partner you are, how good of a friend you are, and you start to believe those negative thoughts.
It's so easy to feel like you're stuck in this space. Being at home all day with a baby to take care of and a house to clean will drive you crazy over time if you let it. It's so hard to get out of that funk, but you have to try. Planning days out of the house and not backing out of those plans is important. Have someone take care of the baby while you take some time for yourself. Make sure you take time with your partner. Having a baby can put a lot of stress on a relationship or marriage, especially in the beginning, so make sure you take time to be a couple. Don't feel guilty when asking for help; your job as a stay-at-home mom never ends and is way more stressful, so have your partner or family member watch the baby so you can take a shower. Make sure you let people know that the job of being a stay-at-home mom wasn't as simple as it seems, and you need more help than they think you do.
Make sure that if you have these negative thoughts and feelings a lot, that you tell someone. You don't need to silently suffer, especially when you're responsible for a baby. Even if you feel like you can't talk to your partner or family members, there are tons of mom groups online, and maybe even some local mom groups you can find, that will allow you to talk through your negative feelings and make plans to get out of the house. There are going to be bad days as a mom, but all of the little moments you get to see and enjoy as a stay-at-home mom make it all worth it.
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