Modern Mom Life

After giving birth, it's very common for the new mom to have a surge of all kinds of emotions. Being able to hold your baby and look at them after waiting all those months is so amazing and can make anyone happy, but there's also a lot of stress that comes with getting used to having the new baby too. You're exhausted, stressing over every little thing when it comes to your newborn, and worrying that you may not be doing the best you can. The first couple of weeks after having your baby are the most tiring and stressful, so it's extremely common to experience the baby blues. However, the baby blues are different from postpartum depression, so it's very important to take care of yourself and talk to someone if you're worried that you may be depressed.

After delivering your baby, your body is going through tons of changes, getting back to normal after carrying the baby around. All the hormonal changes can cause an emotional imbalance, and so can all of the sleep deprivation. On top of the hormones, all the worry and stress, and even some negative thoughts about your new appearance and motherly instincts, can cause random bursts of sadness and crying.

Bringing the baby home initially, you can feel like you won't be able to take care of your baby properly on your own. You can find yourself crying in the middle of the night during a feeding because you haven't gotten much, if any, sleep. You can't get the baby to stop crying or fussing, and you find yourself in tears as well. Feeling like you're just not doing good enough can pop up out of nowhere.

It's very common for some or all of these things to happen after having your baby. You find yourself sobbing while cuddling your newborn. The most important thing that you need to remember if you're having some negative feelings is that in situations when you're getting upset or frustrated, if you have to, lay the baby down and step out of the room for a few minutes to calm down. It's hard to ignore your baby's cries, especially if you're emotional about it yourself, but if you're crying and getting upset while holding your baby, it's best to lay them down so that nothing happens while you're holding them.
If your significant other or someone you live with is able to help, then do not hesitate to ask for help in moments like this. There were a few times in the first couple of weeks when I would be up in the middle of the night with my son and couldn't get him to calm down enough to latch onto my nipple to nurse, and it would make me cry, so I would ask my husband to wake up and help me. He would help me with latching and then he would reassure me and help me to feel better about myself. I hope that every new mom has some kind of support system, especially in times like these.
In short, the baby blues are simply bad moments or days in which you feel generally sad and upset. Baby blues usually occurs within the first few weeks or months postpartum, but can still occur throughout the following months as well, jut not as often. If you find that you are feeling upset and sad for more than a couple of days and going through your day gets harder and harder, do not hesitate to talk to your doctor; postpartum depression is very serious and potentially dangerous for you and your baby. Remember that it gets easier and that you'll get through the hard times very soon; you are still a great mother, even when your baby is crying and won't sleep. You'll look back on those hard times and feel good about yourself because you were able to push through them for your baby, and that is an amazing feeling.

When I went into labor, I just had contractions and kept timing them and waiting for the trickle of amniotic fluid. Every time I went into the bathroom, I checked for any changes in discharge, but my mom (who was with me during labor) assured me that I would know if my water broke because it would be a stream. After a couple of hours of seeing pinkish, watery discharge, but not in a stream, I did a lot of searching online to see if what I was looking at was amniotic fluid or just more mucus. Almost everything I searched said that my water would burst, not slowly leak, and that it would be more clear than have a color, so I was still questioning what I was seeing. Luckily, my husband and my mom convinced me to go ahead to the hospital because after a little over a day of contractions at that point, I was almost completely dilated by the time I got to the hospital. And sure enough, my amniotic sac had a small tear in it, causing the fluid to slowly leak out rather than stream out. 

So knowing if your water breaks, it isn't as clear cut as it seems in movies. It may not even break on its own, so don't only look for your water breaking as a sign of going into labor. It may be a sudden burst of fluid, it may happen after hours of contractions, or it could just slowly leak out so that you barely notice it. If you notice that your water breaks, don't wait around too much longer, so get to the hospital (if that's where you choose to deliver). There's a chance that, once the amniotic sack breaks and the fluid is released, that you can get an infection and it can effect the baby, so don't waste too much time.

• Several full pads. Wear a pad if you think you are having different discharge than usual. If the pad fills up relatively quickly, put on another one. If this one fills up too, it is most likely amniotic fluid meaning your water has broke. Sometimes, you can urinate on yourself without realizing in, especially if you're already having contractions, so you'll want to make sure it's not urine.
• Watery consistency. You may notice more discharge than normal, but if it's thick and snotty, it's most likely mucus and not amniotic fluid. The reason they say your water is breaking is because the amniotic fluid is just that, a fluid. It's going to resemble water, not be thick or like jelly.
• Look and smell. In most cases, amniotic fluid is clear, sometimes appearing bloody or pinkish. There can be chunks of mucus within the fluid as well, but it won't only be mucus. Amniotic fluid has no smell, so it will be easy to tell apart from urine. 

It's definitely a good idea to make a birth plan, even if it's not something you explicitly wrote down on paper. You need to have a general idea of how you want your labor and delivery process to go so that there will be some expectations and the nurses and doctor know what you want. If you seriously sit down and write down everything you want, there are several things that you will come up with. But there are just a few major things you'll want to tell the nurses and doctor while you're being emitted for delivery.
If you don't already have a planned C-section and no emergencies arise during the beginning of labor, you will have the option of vaginal delivery or C-section. However, unless you are dead set on having a C-section or something comes up during labor or delivery, the doctor will recommend having a vaginal delivery. The choice is still available. You can also choose to have a water-birth as well since a lot of hospitals are now integrating delivery rooms with tubs.

You'll need to decide who will want to be in the room with you during your delivery. Hospitals have specifications for how many people you may have in the room with you, and the specifications differ if you are having a C-section. The hospital I went to allowed three people in the delivery room with me, and only one person if I had to have an emergency C-section. I had my husband, my mom, and my mother-in-law in the room with me. Of course, who you have in the room with you is completely up to you; you're the one that's all exposed on the bed after all.
During labor, you have the option to get pain medication to help with the pain of contractions. Lots of women know that they will get the epidural way before they go into labor, others say that they will try going without medication, and some are determined to not get any medication at all. It's hard to tell what the labor pain will be like, even if you've given birth before, because every pregnancy is different. The most common pain medication for labor is obviously the epidural, but there are several other options so ask your doctor for other medications that they offer.

If you decide to breastfeed, make sure the nurses know so that they can help you with latching the baby onto your breast and not to give the baby a bottle of formula or a pacifier. In many cases, a baby can get nipple confusion if given a pacifier or a bottle and won't latch onto the breast. You can also get a lactation consultant to help you out and answer any questions you may have.
These are some of the main things that will need to be decided before going into labor. There are, of course, many things that can be considered; for example, who will cut the umbilical cord, if you do skin-to-skin right after the baby is delivered, and some hospitals even offer to let you watch the baby be born via mirror. It's a good idea to write these things down and take it with you when you go to the hospital to make things easier, but you need to at least have these decisions made, even if you don't write them down.

Being a stay-at-home mom can be one of the most stressful things a mom can do; it's a 24/7 job with the most responsibility you'll face in a lifetime. On top of taking care of your child or children all day, there's the added stress of cleaning the house, making meals, and feeling stuck at home.
Being at home with your baby or babies can make you so happy. You'll get to see every little thing, and that in itself is rewarding. But every now and then, you can feel overwhelmed. Trying to do laundry or wash dishes becomes an even harder task to get done now that there is someone that can interrupt. As a new mom, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "nap while he naps"; and then I heard the other new moms tell me that it isn't like that at all. There's so many things to get done around the house and to take care of myself that simply can't get done while my son naps. Plus I just want to sit on the couch and hold him.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming because dirty dishes are piling up, the kitchen is a mess, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in months, there's piles of dirty laundry and clean laundry that has been neglected to be put up, and everything else has been getting behind as well. Trying to worry about taking care of your baby and tackling all of the housework can be so stressful. Just looking at the mess can bring on a sense of dread and anxiety. It gets maddening sometimes when you feel like even if you start to take care of the household chores, you won't be able to finish them because your baby will need you. Plus, it's so much easier to spend time with your baby rather than clean. Being depressed can cause things like household cleaning to be neglected, which in turn can make the depression worse.
There are several times when I realize that I forgot to eat a meal or haven't showered in a couple days because I'm so invested in taking care of the baby that I simply don't think about my own needs. Thinking about yourself isn't something that comes naturally anymore because the baby comes first. You may catch a quick glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize you haven't even brushed your hair in several days, let alone actually took time for yourself. Or even if you do make sure you shower and eat all of your meals, you feel different about yourself because all of the care and attention goes to the baby. Plus, your body is completely different, so you may feel bad about the way you look now. You no longer take pride in your clothes, hair, or makeup; you just throw on some comfy clothes and that's it. Being insecure and having low self-esteem becomes normal.
When taking care of the baby and trying to keep up with the household chores is all you do every day, you hardly ever leave the house. It takes some time to get ready and get a baby ready to leave the house, so making plans becomes difficult. Even if you have plans, there's a chance they will fall through because the baby could just be having a fussy day; having a fussy baby out with you isn't something you necessarily want. And there's a good chance that most of everyone you know works, so you're still at home by yourself all day while they're all working.
The guilt from not working will also add to the negative thoughts. Seeing your partner work every day to make enough money to take care of you and your baby is something that can make you feel like you're not providing enough. If there's any financial troubles, you feel like it's your fault because you're not working. You feel guilty for having your partner support you while you sit at home all day. You worry about the bills but can't contribute to paying them. You just feel guilty for putting all of that pressure on your partner.
The hardest part of being a mom, even if you don't stay at home, is the doubt. There's days when you think that you're not being a good mom or not doing enough for you baby. And to translates to your relationships too; you're not being a good wife or girlfriend, not being a good friend. Being trapped in your home with a screaming baby to take care of by yourself will make you feel like you're not good enough. Being at home all day surrounded by a mess will make you feel like you're not doing enough.You begin to question how good of a mother you are, how good of a partner you are, how good of a friend you are, and you start to believe those negative thoughts.
It's so easy to feel like you're stuck in this space. Being at home all day with a baby to take care of and a house to clean will drive you crazy over time if you let it. It's so hard to get out of that funk, but you have to try. Planning days out of the house and not backing out of those plans is important. Have someone take care of the baby while you take some time for yourself. Make sure you take time with your partner. Having a baby can put a lot of stress on a relationship or marriage, especially in the beginning, so make sure you take time to be a couple. Don't feel guilty when asking for help; your job as a stay-at-home mom never ends and is way more stressful, so have your partner or family member watch the baby so you can take a shower. Make sure you let people know that the job of being a stay-at-home mom wasn't as simple as it seems, and you need more help than they think you do.
Make sure that if you have these negative thoughts and feelings a lot, that you tell someone. You don't need to silently suffer, especially when you're responsible for a baby. Even if you feel like you can't talk to your partner or family members, there are tons of mom groups online, and maybe even some local mom groups you can find, that will allow you to talk through your negative feelings and make plans to get out of the house. There are going to be bad days as a mom, but all of the little moments you get to see and enjoy as a stay-at-home mom make it all worth it. 

Something that I think about sometimes when I'm talking to other moms is how I might come off as bragging when I talk about my luck with breastfeeding. It's definitely not something I want to happen. I was very prepared to struggle when it came to breastfeeding and was going to switch to formula if I had to, so I don't want to make it seem like I'm bragging about my situation to other moms. And I'm still a new mom, so things could change for me that causes me to switch or supplement still.
My son has been exclusively breastfed his whole life; between nursing and bottles, he has been successfully fed. I am so proud of my son and myself. Things have been so good for both of us. I have a significant freezer supply, I pump daily, I feed him every time he's hungry. I am definitely lucky for this situation. As happy and proud as I am of how things have went this far, if things change, I still know that I'm a fantastic mom because my ability to nurse him does not affect that.