Modern Mom Life

After giving birth, it's very common for the new mom to have a surge of all kinds of emotions. Being able to hold your baby and look at them after waiting all those months is so amazing and can make anyone happy, but there's also a lot of stress that comes with getting used to having the new baby too. You're exhausted, stressing over every little thing when it comes to your newborn, and worrying that you may not be doing the best you can. The first couple of weeks after having your baby are the most tiring and stressful, so it's extremely common to experience the baby blues. However, the baby blues are different from postpartum depression, so it's very important to take care of yourself and talk to someone if you're worried that you may be depressed.

After delivering your baby, your body is going through tons of changes, getting back to normal after carrying the baby around. All the hormonal changes can cause an emotional imbalance, and so can all of the sleep deprivation. On top of the hormones, all the worry and stress, and even some negative thoughts about your new appearance and motherly instincts, can cause random bursts of sadness and crying.

Bringing the baby home initially, you can feel like you won't be able to take care of your baby properly on your own. You can find yourself crying in the middle of the night during a feeding because you haven't gotten much, if any, sleep. You can't get the baby to stop crying or fussing, and you find yourself in tears as well. Feeling like you're just not doing good enough can pop up out of nowhere.

It's very common for some or all of these things to happen after having your baby. You find yourself sobbing while cuddling your newborn. The most important thing that you need to remember if you're having some negative feelings is that in situations when you're getting upset or frustrated, if you have to, lay the baby down and step out of the room for a few minutes to calm down. It's hard to ignore your baby's cries, especially if you're emotional about it yourself, but if you're crying and getting upset while holding your baby, it's best to lay them down so that nothing happens while you're holding them.
If your significant other or someone you live with is able to help, then do not hesitate to ask for help in moments like this. There were a few times in the first couple of weeks when I would be up in the middle of the night with my son and couldn't get him to calm down enough to latch onto my nipple to nurse, and it would make me cry, so I would ask my husband to wake up and help me. He would help me with latching and then he would reassure me and help me to feel better about myself. I hope that every new mom has some kind of support system, especially in times like these.
In short, the baby blues are simply bad moments or days in which you feel generally sad and upset. Baby blues usually occurs within the first few weeks or months postpartum, but can still occur throughout the following months as well, jut not as often. If you find that you are feeling upset and sad for more than a couple of days and going through your day gets harder and harder, do not hesitate to talk to your doctor; postpartum depression is very serious and potentially dangerous for you and your baby. Remember that it gets easier and that you'll get through the hard times very soon; you are still a great mother, even when your baby is crying and won't sleep. You'll look back on those hard times and feel good about yourself because you were able to push through them for your baby, and that is an amazing feeling.

Being a stay-at-home mom can be one of the most stressful things a mom can do; it's a 24/7 job with the most responsibility you'll face in a lifetime. On top of taking care of your child or children all day, there's the added stress of cleaning the house, making meals, and feeling stuck at home.
Being at home with your baby or babies can make you so happy. You'll get to see every little thing, and that in itself is rewarding. But every now and then, you can feel overwhelmed. Trying to do laundry or wash dishes becomes an even harder task to get done now that there is someone that can interrupt. As a new mom, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "nap while he naps"; and then I heard the other new moms tell me that it isn't like that at all. There's so many things to get done around the house and to take care of myself that simply can't get done while my son naps. Plus I just want to sit on the couch and hold him.

Sometimes it gets overwhelming because dirty dishes are piling up, the kitchen is a mess, the bathroom hasn't been cleaned in months, there's piles of dirty laundry and clean laundry that has been neglected to be put up, and everything else has been getting behind as well. Trying to worry about taking care of your baby and tackling all of the housework can be so stressful. Just looking at the mess can bring on a sense of dread and anxiety. It gets maddening sometimes when you feel like even if you start to take care of the household chores, you won't be able to finish them because your baby will need you. Plus, it's so much easier to spend time with your baby rather than clean. Being depressed can cause things like household cleaning to be neglected, which in turn can make the depression worse.
There are several times when I realize that I forgot to eat a meal or haven't showered in a couple days because I'm so invested in taking care of the baby that I simply don't think about my own needs. Thinking about yourself isn't something that comes naturally anymore because the baby comes first. You may catch a quick glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize you haven't even brushed your hair in several days, let alone actually took time for yourself. Or even if you do make sure you shower and eat all of your meals, you feel different about yourself because all of the care and attention goes to the baby. Plus, your body is completely different, so you may feel bad about the way you look now. You no longer take pride in your clothes, hair, or makeup; you just throw on some comfy clothes and that's it. Being insecure and having low self-esteem becomes normal.
When taking care of the baby and trying to keep up with the household chores is all you do every day, you hardly ever leave the house. It takes some time to get ready and get a baby ready to leave the house, so making plans becomes difficult. Even if you have plans, there's a chance they will fall through because the baby could just be having a fussy day; having a fussy baby out with you isn't something you necessarily want. And there's a good chance that most of everyone you know works, so you're still at home by yourself all day while they're all working.
The guilt from not working will also add to the negative thoughts. Seeing your partner work every day to make enough money to take care of you and your baby is something that can make you feel like you're not providing enough. If there's any financial troubles, you feel like it's your fault because you're not working. You feel guilty for having your partner support you while you sit at home all day. You worry about the bills but can't contribute to paying them. You just feel guilty for putting all of that pressure on your partner.
The hardest part of being a mom, even if you don't stay at home, is the doubt. There's days when you think that you're not being a good mom or not doing enough for you baby. And to translates to your relationships too; you're not being a good wife or girlfriend, not being a good friend. Being trapped in your home with a screaming baby to take care of by yourself will make you feel like you're not good enough. Being at home all day surrounded by a mess will make you feel like you're not doing enough.You begin to question how good of a mother you are, how good of a partner you are, how good of a friend you are, and you start to believe those negative thoughts.
It's so easy to feel like you're stuck in this space. Being at home all day with a baby to take care of and a house to clean will drive you crazy over time if you let it. It's so hard to get out of that funk, but you have to try. Planning days out of the house and not backing out of those plans is important. Have someone take care of the baby while you take some time for yourself. Make sure you take time with your partner. Having a baby can put a lot of stress on a relationship or marriage, especially in the beginning, so make sure you take time to be a couple. Don't feel guilty when asking for help; your job as a stay-at-home mom never ends and is way more stressful, so have your partner or family member watch the baby so you can take a shower. Make sure you let people know that the job of being a stay-at-home mom wasn't as simple as it seems, and you need more help than they think you do.
Make sure that if you have these negative thoughts and feelings a lot, that you tell someone. You don't need to silently suffer, especially when you're responsible for a baby. Even if you feel like you can't talk to your partner or family members, there are tons of mom groups online, and maybe even some local mom groups you can find, that will allow you to talk through your negative feelings and make plans to get out of the house. There are going to be bad days as a mom, but all of the little moments you get to see and enjoy as a stay-at-home mom make it all worth it. 

Being a stay-at-home mom is something that is considered nearly impossible today. It's one of those topics that can cause lots of stress and tension. If a woman decides to be a stay-at-home mom while her partner works, people say she's putting too much on her partner. If a woman decides to go back to work, people say she's not putting her children first. The thing is, that decision is completely up to the mother and her partner and nothing else matters.
Making the decision to stay at home with your child or children is definitely a hard one. Even if you decide to just stay home for the first year or so, it can be difficult. There's a lot of factors that go into deciding to stay at home.
The biggest one that can make or break the decision is finances. Going from a duel-income home to a single-income home is extremely challenging. You have to look at all of the bills and expenses beforehand, adding the new ones for the baby, then figuring out what to cut back on. It can be possible to cut back and rearrange some expenses so that one income will cover everything, but sometimes it's simply not possible. It's hard to worry about finances and getting bills paid when you're not working. It can make you feel bad for putting so much pressure on your significant other and not helping out.
Me and my husband always kept our incomes separate and split the bills, but we obviously can't do that now that he's the only one making money. He got a new, and better, job to help support our new family as well. It made me feel guilty because he was having to leave his old job, which he enjoyed, to find something new to make more money for us. I also felt guilty that I'm at home, not helping with paying for anything, while he works all day. After talking about it, we both feel a lot better about our situation because he wants me to stay home with our son.
Staying at home also implies that you'll be taking care of the household chores too. In theory, it seems reasonable and possible, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. The majority of your time will be spent loving on that baby, and it's more satisfying to hold your baby than to fold laundry anyways. Don't feel too pressured to get everything done in a day. Laundry can sit on the basket for a day, or more, before being folded. The dishes can wait one more day. Of course, don't let this mindset get out of hand to the point of having piles of things to do everywhere. And your significant other can still help out when they're home; it's not all on you now that you're home all the time.

Staying at home all the time can become very stressful and depressing. You can feel trapped within your own home. All the chores will start getting backed up and it will feel impossible to get anything done, especially while also taking care of your baby. Sometimes babies don't want to nap or be away from you, so it's almost impossible to even eat let alone clean the house. But, over time, you get acclimated to doing everything one-handed or wearing your baby to get more done.
Something I found that makes it easier to clean is to sit my son in his bouncy seat and move it into the room that I'm in if he doesn't have anywhere to lay. I fold laundry on our bed, so he lays next to me. When I'm in the kitchen cooking or washing dishes, he's in his bouncy seat. I try to shower while he's asleep in his crib, so I can see him on the monitor, or I'll have him in his bouncy seat right outside the bathroom (I leave the door open).
Staying at home is also very rewarding. You don't have to pay an arm and a leg for daycare. So many people that I know that went back to work after having their child and send them to daycare say that them working isn't even really worth it because almost all of their paychecks go towards the daycare. Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, depending on your career. There's also the issue of not being able to trust everyone with your child, even family in some cases. There are so many horror stories from children being neglected or abused by daycare workers, and it's almost impossible to think that this could happen to your baby.
You don't have to miss anything; any firsts for your baby, you get to be there for. The first time they sit up by themselves, the first word, the first time they crawl, the first step, can all be missed if you're away from home. Of course, this doesn't make you a bad parent if you don't get to see it, it's just one of the pluses to staying at home. You don't have to miss any smiles or giggles and get to enjoy every second with your baby.
Even though staying at home seems so amazing, it is still very stressful. If you decided to stay at home, remember to still take time for yourself. Don't feel guilty for asking for help around the house; you're job doesn't end at home, so it's important to make sure to take care of yourself. It's also important to stay social; being at home with the baby can make you antisocial, so invite some friends and family over or go out for the day. Don't make yourself feel like you're stuck at home. Although it can be tiring to have to work your schedule around your baby all day long, it doesn't seem like such a burden because being with your baby and seeing those gummy smiles makes it all better.